Married for 70 years, Bob and Viv were synonymous with one another. He passed in September and since then, her days have been punctuated by missing him.
My grandmother, Vivian (Vavala) Talbot, passed on Wednesday, February 17, 2021, from a short illness. As we prepare for her funeral services, my days are spent thinking of her. As with my grandfather, her presence in my life had been constant. From the moments of my childhood to the very most recent visit when she reminded me that I still hadn't taken that table from the laundry room, my thoughts have been flooded with memories of her.
One of four siblings, she grew up in Fall River. She attended Durfee High School; graduating with the class of 1943. She worked retail before marrying my grandfather and becoming a homemaker from that point on.
Never one who seemed to like cooking, she did so until my grandfather retired. And, then, he took over. He was better at it than she, but she knew how she wanted things made, and would often direct from the living room. A few things I always enjoyed, though, were her butter and egg pasta (my childhood staple), zucchini and summer squash sauté (also with eggs), potato salad (never too much mayonnaise), and her graham cracker pudding dessert. She introduced me to butter sandwiched between graham crackers; maybe not the healthiest choice, but it brings me a quiet comfort on the days I cave in, and make myself a few.
During much of our childhood, we spent school vacations with my grandmother. When we were very young, she would say, "Let's start the show", and we would enter the room to this made-up song of hers. She would sing, and we would dance...and, then we would all laugh, and do it all again! Sometimes my grandfather, a traveling box salesman, was able to stop in for lunch. On these occasions, he often brought home McDonald's...we would fuel up for more playful shenanigans with cheeseburgers and milkshakes.
My grandmother's days working retail always seemed to stay with her. She kept up with the latest styles, creating classic ensembles for church on Sunday, holiday gatherings and other family events. She enjoyed shopping as a past time. And, if you knew the shopping scene in the late 80's and early 90's; Filene's, Jordan Marsh, and more locally, Silverstein's, were the places she liked best to shop. Having never gotten her driver's license, my grandmother relied on my grandfather for her shopping excursions. And, for sure, she made a day of it. He, bringing a book, would sit in the car and wait for her, while she shopped. Many times, she had me in tow, and we would shop together. I would get a new spring coat, a bathing suit for summer, pants, or a dress for an upcoming holiday...oh, and that mini skirt in 8th grade that she somehow convinced my father was not that short. I don't know what she said, but it ended up in a box wrapped up, and in my hands for my birthday in 1989.
Later when I started dating, she had many heartfelt conversations with me. One thing she mentioned to me at the time? "Mothers and their son's are very close. So, remember that!" At the time, I shrugged, I kind of felt both parents would be equally close to their son(s), but now, with two son's of my own, I understand what it was that she meant.
For many things, she was all business. She took things seriously as a matter of safety and decorum. Ever worried about her loved-ones being alright, she relied on her rosary to calm her, with prayer offerings being a source of comfort in an uncertain world.
When my first son was born, she and my grandfather watched him for two days a week. They were all business about that, too. I would get a full report of his day each time I would pick him up. As a new parent, I found my relationship with my grandmother strained in those days. We argued about ways of parenting/raising children, because you know, my way was just, well, not the same as hers.
It is with great reverence that I say we could argue. We could be on completely different pages, have a passionate discussion and still remain loving and kind when it was all said and done. I learned with her, that I didn't have to agree; nor she with me. At the end of it all, there was just love, and the end of discussion. Nobody had to win, nobody had to be right. It was just all out in the open for each of us to know.
Certainly, more than anything, my grandmother liked to sit and talk. She liked to talk about everything. But choose your words wisely. There was little that didn't give her cause to tell you how to do things differently. I write this with a smirk on my face because any one of her grandchildren and elder great-grandchildren can tell you a "Gram-ism", for sure. Sometimes you countered her gram-isms, sometimes you didn't; it was always dependent on if you wished to jump down that particular rabbit hole or not. And, let me be perfectly clear, I write this in the sense that I will miss hearing all of them. It always made for lively conversation, and she found much enjoyment in that.
2020 ended with the passing of my maternal grandfather and 2021 has begun with the passing of my maternal grandmother. While our visits with my grandmother have been sparse these last few months; what with my own family in Covid quarantine for basically the whole month of January, I am grateful for the moments we did have, in what we didn't realize, were her last months. As it was at my grandfather's passing, it remains to be said, it is one thing to understand that we are all mortal beings, but it is quite another thing to comprehend that a life force from my lifetime is no longer present here on earth.
From a song my Grandmother would sing after the "Happy Birthday" refrain at every birthday: May the dear Lord bless you, May sweet Mother guide you, May they both love and keep you, Grammy dear...
I am hoping, with all my heart, that Gram is somewhere with her "Rock of Gibraltar", and that Bob and Viv are once again walking arm in arm.
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